I don't know how it's possible, that my life is changing so often. And it's always a big change. This time I feel like my heart drifted away from me and attached to someone else. This someone else is Josh. I never thought it will end up like this. I feel the connection between two of us. We are talking everyday for couple of hours and even then we still have something to talk about. I love it. I feel like I can talk to him about everything and I know he feels the same. Everyone at work is getting jelous of our friendship. Nell and Wallace mostly. I don't even know what I feel right now, but things he's telling me are so warm for my heart. I feel like it's heating up again, to finally be able to love someone. But we have a problem. He has a girlfriend. They've been together for 6 years and I know it's a long time. So I'm confused what's going on. We are flirting for hours, trying to get to know each other even more. But I still have this thought in my head that it's not right, because he has Kayleigh. He's giving me signs that he likes me much more than he should, but I don't know what to do about it. I know for sure that if they won't be together anymore I would make a move. But for now I will just be the best friend he can actually have. Things he's saying are making me happy. Sometimes I can catch myself thinking about our conversations and just smiling, laughing or biting my lips. I'm glad I have him as a friend, but the problem is I think I will start having even stronger feelings for him. He did said that I seduced him. But what does it mean for him? If he will make a move I'll probably go for it. But then I know I will still be thinking about his girlfriend. Even though I feel like I'm being loved by him. I don't know why, but I just have this feeling.
I just don't understand why I'm always falling for guys who are not available? Is it my thing? I really believe he's my soulmate. But does he thinks the same? Don't know yet. He's caring and he's really listening to me. He's a giver, a carer and a sharer. He's perfect. So why he can't be single? Then I would finally put my feelings into someone who's actually available for me. I know in some way he's attracted to me. The way he's talking about me... It's magical. Like all my sorrows are going away immadiately. I don't want to listen to anyone else. Just him. And I know he loves talking to me. If I'll see that he's giving me hints he would like to try to start something with me, I won't do anything till he's with Kayleigh. It's just not right. Now it's hard not to make the wrong move.
Or he doesn't like me that much as I think and he just wants me for his threesome. Thinking about it on the seaside didn't helped me to figure it out. Maybe this will. But for now I won't make a move. Not until I will see a green light. I don't want to ruin this friendship. After all I can live with another friend who I truly love but can't be with, right? I just hope I won't be hurt. Or that he won't break me like Patryk did many years ago. But right now I think I can be fixed. Finally.
