It's hard to piss me off for real. Since I started uni in Portsmouth, I was pissed off too many times. Mostly because of Jacob, Ana and Nika. That's strange how pissed off you can be, because of people you care the most. The thing is - it's not that hard to make me feel angry when I'm drunk. Then I'm never sure how I will respond. Sometimes I'm responding in rage - like I did when I've talked to Jacob. He was avoiding me. He didn't want to spend time with me alone. He didn't even talked to me. It pissed me off when he called me his bro. How you can be somebody's bro if they're not even talking to you? I talked to him about this. And now I'm glad. Because finally I've said things I wanted to say, but was to shy or uncomfortable to say. But sometimes the talk doesn't solve problems. Sometimes it's making things worse. And that time it almost got worse, but I made really good decision. I decided not to talk with Jacob about how he lied to me after we talked at night. I decided to live with this fact. Even when he said some stuff to Munir I decided to stay calm and don't feel angry at him. I won't change him or his actions. I just really don't want to screw another relationship. I don't want Jacob to be my next Patryk. I don't want to be hurt like I was after we ended our friendship. It was the worst feeling ever. I don't want to act like nothing happened and I'm okay with lying behind my back and gossiping. I just want to be normal. Not make a deal from everything. I don't want to be drama queen. I won't say You're mean. I will stop making this angry eyes at him or girls. I will try not to bother about things like this. I won't pretend if things will get worse. It will kill me. But I can't make a big deal from everything. After threee months of living here with these people I know who I can trust or not. The funny thing is I can't trust my closest friends. Not entirely. That sucks. And it's unhealthy. But I have other friends to trust. Paula is one of them. Shanna, Sophia and Jevi as well. I can talk with them about everything.
